I'm Glad My Mom Died - Jenette McCurdy

Jennette McCurdy was six years old when she had her first acting audition. Her mother’s dream was for her only daughter to become a star, and Jennette would do anything to make her mother happy. So she went along with what Mom called “calorie restriction,” eating little and weighing herself five times a day. She endured extensive at-home makeovers while Mom chided, “Your eyelashes are invisible, okay? You think Dakota Fanning doesn’t tint hers?” She was even showered by Mom until age sixteen while sharing her diaries, email, and all her income.

In I’m Glad My Mom Died, Jennette recounts all this in unflinching detail—just as she chronicles what happens when the dream finally comes true. Cast in a new Nickelodeon series called iCarly, she is thrust into fame. Though Mom is ecstatic, emailing fan club moderators and getting on a first-name basis with the paparazzi (“Hi Gale!”), Jennette is riddled with anxiety, shame, and self-loathing, which manifest into eating disorders, addiction, and a series of unhealthy relationships. These issues only get worse when, soon after taking the lead in the iCarly spinoff Sam & Cat alongside Ariana Grande, her mother dies of cancer. Finally, after discovering therapy and quitting acting, Jennette embarks on recovery and decides for the first time in her life what she really wants. 

This book has been on my wish list since its release. Usually, I don't gravitate towards non-fiction. But a memoir written by the actress of the famous Nickelodeon show iCarly sounded interesting to me, even though I never watched that show. Like everyone else, the "evil" book title immediately caught my eye and I couldn't stop thinking about the possible story McCurdy had to tell. However, despite my initial excitement, I never bought the book. It only took me two years and a good friend, who gave me a copy of the book, to read this heartbreaking and fascinating story about McCurdy's life. 

The book is divided into two parts - the "before" and "after" the death of McCurdy's mother. The "before" explores McCurdys early childhood and how she got into acting. It takes us from her first background role at the age of five to her rise as a Nickelodeon star and shows us how the unwanted fame and pressure from her mother formed her entire life. 

The "after" takes the reader through McCurdy's struggles after her mums' death and how she falls deeper into her eating disorder and alcohol problems.

I was truly moved by the raw honesty and emotional depth of this memoir. Especially as I am someone who also struggles with letting go of family members who are no good for your mental health, I resonated with the author's story on a very personal level. 

McCurdy's writing style was amazing. Everything she said was powerful and evocative, pulling the reader into her world and allowing us to experience her pain, anger, and eventual acceptance. Throughout the 300 pages of the book, she gives her pure, raw emotions. Even if it is shocking, mean or selfish. She tells us everything there is to know about the first 26 years of her life. Even though everything looks glamorous on the outside, we know that Hollywood is a rough and ugly place. Nonetheless, McCurdy's experiences in the industry still shocked me to the bone.

This is also not a cash grab as many memoirs written by celebrities are. An early chapter in the book explores McCurdy's first attempts at writing, which her mother quickly talks her out of. Throughout the book, the reader can feel the author's passion for the craft. 

It's a gripping and poignant read that will stay with me for a long time. Highly recommended for anyone looking for a compelling and authentic exploration of loss and personal growth.

★★★★★